Me.

When we hear the word “abuse,” we might instinctively think of bruises, cuts, or broken bones—the physical signs of damage. But there is also abuse that affects you on the inside, rewiring your brain and how you see yourself, keeping your nervous system on high alert, and changing how you interact with the world. These signs are invisible: silence, anxiety, walking on eggshells, people-pleasing, keeping the peace, shrinking, self-censorship, or living in a constant state of fight-or-flight. While you can hide a bruise, you can't disguise the poison someone else leaves in your psyche.

Unlike physical abuse, emotional and psychological abuse isn’t abrupt. Physical abuse involves a clear moment that causes pain to the body—a slap, a push, a punch, a kick. Emotional and psychological abuse occurs slowly, over time. A physical event is obvious. Emotional destruction, however, remains hidden for months or even years.

We might even belittle abuse if it doesn't include violence. He was abusive. Yeah, but he didn't ever hit me. This makes you doubt yourself, others doubt you, and even leads you to dismiss your pain. Research shows emotional abuse is as damaging as physical abuse. It doesn't matter if the person never raised a hand at you. If someone taught you it wasn't safe to speak, that your voice and feelings weren't valid, or that your vulnerabilities could be used against you; if you learned to shrink yourself and keep the peace, or were made to feel you weren't good enough—then that’s enough. That’s abuse. Emotional pain counts too.

Abuse isn't just a single event. It unfolds over time, like roots slowly spreading through your mind, shaping how you think and feel. It can involve gaslighting, blame-shifting, making you feel crazy, and repeated apologies that don't lead to real change. Highs follow devastating lows. This kind of abuse rewires your brain, diminishes your confidence, and dilutes your self-esteem until you lose the sense of who you once were.

​If you question yourself, wonder if you’re too sensitive or emotional, or fear you’re the crazy one, you’ve suffered someone else's manipulation. If you tried to say things differently, researched better communication, or worked with a professional, you are not too sensitive or too much. If you believed you were the abuser and tried to change, you are not the villain; you are not the abuser.

You know, maybe the saddest component of emotional and psychological abuse, especially narcissistic abuse, is that it takes down someone who starts off strong, vibrant, intelligent, and maybe even powerful. This is fuel for the abuser. Someone like that makes them look good to be with. You boost their ego and how the world sees them. Sadly, their victim, who once lived with a fire and light inside, will end up walking around like a ghost, color drained from them, and light faded from their eyes. Abusers will take these once confident and strong individuals and cut them down to pieces, causing them to think they are nothing without the abuser. This gives the abuser power and control.

He is not the sun. You are. (~Christina Yang, Grey's Anatomy)

Anyone who cuts you down instead of lifting you up is not your ally. Anyone who creates doubt in you instead of confidence is not on your side. They may make you believe you can’t live without them. You may feel it’s true because of the trauma bond you’re beholden to. But they aren't your savior. They aren’t your end-all, be-all. They certainly aren't the love of your life. You are. Their charm is just an illusion. Where there is control and manipulation, there is no love.​

Leaving may seem impossible. Healing may seem out of reach. It can feel difficult to unlearn the lies told to you. Despite everything, their efforts never fully extinguished your fire. It's still a soft, golden glow showing you the way back home.

I don't need somebody to scold me

Don't need somebody that hurts me

Don't need somebody who feels weak standing next to me

I put together my broken

Let go of your hand I've been holdin'

Don't need to need somebody

When I got me

(~Kelly Clarkson, Me)